The Modern Day Matchmaker: Ep #2 “Successful, (Insert Race Here), & Lonely”
The Modern Day Matchmaker: Ep #1 “Why He Didn’t Call You Back”
Here is a man that has the same mindset that I’m trying to convey to the public. What do you think.
Feel free to follow him @OneDegreeFromMe
Have a relationship question? feel free to contact me at TheMayorOfMar@Gmail.Com.
The Questions
“Why are there no good black guys left?”
If I had a nickel every time I heard that… heck, even if I had a penny for every time I heard that question, I’d STILL be a very rich man. It is no secret that there is a shortage of good black males, but I assure you that the amount of good guys aren’t as few as you think. Many ladies are ready to find reasons why they’re single: Black guys don’t like black woman anymore. Black guy will do you wrong. Etcetera, etcetera. I’ve noticed that when it comes to choosing a partner, many ladies have it all wrong. In fact, I am convinced that only 20% of the ladies out there have it right. The other 80%, you need to do some self-evaluation and take another glance at your “list” because I assure you that you have it wrong in some kind of way. When it comes to your future relationships, you need you ask yourself some questions before jumping:
1. What are you looking for in a guy?
When I ask ladies this question, 40% generally give the same answers: He must have a job. He must have ambition. He must have a car. He must be cute. He must have drive. He must be caring. And the list goes on. Don’t get me wrong, those are good qualities to want out of a man but truth be told, you can find that guy working at McDonalds or your local Wal-Mart. He’s obviously working (Job). He’s trying to become get promoted to $11.50/hr from $9.50/hr (Ambition). His ‘96 Camero on “22’s just got a tune up and a smog check… and passed (Car). You like him because he’s high yellow (Cute). He gets to work on time & is working hard to eventually become manager (Drive) and he loves you back (Caring). If that works for you, stop reading now and go get your man. If it doesn’t, you need to reevaluate what exactly what you’re looking for. Your list is in no way thorough enough to find a guy that could possibly fulfill you the way that you want. What about his long-term goals? Does he still live with his parents? Does he have any hobbies? What about his interests? These are things that you need to look for in a guy. If you’re into hiking and he’s into Modern War 2 all the time, there is no way you guys can work. Truth be told, a good guy will never approach you if that’s what your list looks like, simply because he sees how low your standards are. You’re only as good as the last person you dated. He knows that would not be good for his social resume’. The man you find is only going to be as deep as the qualities you ask for.
THEN you have the other 40% that come with the most arbitrary requirements: He must be a CEO/CFO. He must have a pension plan, dental and medical. He better have accounts at Gucci, Bloomies, Steve Madden and the like. He must club at the hottest spots and spending $100 per person to wine and dine must be no trouble for him. He must have a lot of power (I would use another word) but use it for good like charity and/or be a community organizer. Let’s be serious here. What about the guy starting his own business and doesn’t have $50 to his name but is on the path to success? He gets no game time because he’s not a baller? What about a high school teacher? He doesn’t have any credit accounts at stores or club in Beverly Hills but he will treat you like the queen that no man has never acknowledged you are. He also gets no game time because he can’t splurge the way you want a man to. Community organizer? Get out of here. You are no Michelle Obama yourself so stop it.. These are the ladies that cause all the good guys to leave the field with the cleanest jerseys because they’re being overlooked for the guy that will cruise then, use them, and lose them. Guys are initially attracted to these types of girls simply because they can sense a certain level of depth about these them… right up until they realize that that depth referred to pocket dimensions. Your level will attract men on the same level. Don’t fool yourself. This leads me to question number 2.
2. If you don’t have it, why do you think the guy with it would want you?
What are you bringing to the table? This guy that you are looking for, he has access to a level of financial comfort that you merely dream about. He doesn’t have a black card but his Platinum AMEX does just fine with that 6 digit spending limit. He has 2 cars: one for the weekdays and one for the weekend. His Blackberry hasn’t even been released to the public yet and the ceilings in his house are so high, you’ll surely cause an echo with the sound of your heartbeat. What do you think this guy will see in a girl in a 2004 Mistubishi Galant? Dream on. This guy is wouldn’t ever realistically chase a girl like you because you both are on two different levels. If this guy picks you, chances are that you’re just arm candy until something sweeter comes knocking. You think Jay-Z is with Beyonce because she’s cute and has a way with words? No way. It’s because that’s the only woman that is on his level other than Oprah and she’s taken. If you’re on a one-way path to success, look for a man that is also so you can travel together. If you’re a high level executive, look for a man that compliments you high level in the business world or at least mirrors the sensibilities that got you to that level. You have to look for someone that you can grow with instead of a man that you have to ride the coattails of his success. It’s not a good look.
3. Can you please stop blaming love?
Many ladies get into relationships, get hurt, get out of relationships, get back into relationships, get hurt, get back out of relationships, stay hurt and blame love. If you take anything out of this entire article, take this: Love is not complicated, people are. “Dating” and “relationships” are not semantics. I’m an old school fellow and I believe strongly in dating before getting into a relationship. It seems as if everyone for the most part born post 1982 has forgotten about this ancient way of courting. As a result, you end up with two types of couples. Both couples meet someone they are interested in “fall in like.” Couple # 1 takes the time to get to learn their partner and figure each other out, while couple #2 hops head first into a relationship. Couple #1 gets into a relationship & fall in love while couple #2 is already in a relationship and still haven’t unraveled the ways of the other. Now, couple #1 is deep in love and they’re applying all they’ve learned about each other to their relationship. Meanwhile, couple #2 spends their “honeymoon period” hating their partner because they start to find out things about them that drive them crazy or are incompatible with their core values. Couple #1 continues their relationship and couple #2 breaks up mainly because they had no idea whom they were in a relationship with or what they were getting themselves into when they started the relationship. Unfortunately, most post mid-late 80s babies end up just couple #2. They don’t realize that it’s important to take the time to get to know the guy they’ve devoted themselves too. Do you two have anything in common? Is he cool with his family? Does he make you laugh when he’s not flirting with you? Where can you see him 10 years from now? These things are far more important than you think. I strongly urge you take a month to get to know this guy. Love would appreciate it also. You’re giving it a bad name with you’re recklessness.
4. Do you know the difference between infatuation and love?
Just like “dating” and “relationships” are not one in the same; neither is “infatuation” and “love”. They’re as different as models and mannequins. There may be some similarities but the differences severely outweigh them. You need to be able to decipher the difference between when you’re in love with a person and when you’re just infatuated. If you ask yourself what you love about this person and everything you list is on the surface, (i.e. physical attractiveness) or your answers have nothing to do with the content of his character, chances are its infatuation. Its OK to be infatuated with someone but never build anything on that foundation alone. The bottom will fall out, and everything will topple over in the blink of an eye and you’ll be crying like the people in question number 3 and 5.
5. How about keeping your legs close a wee bit longer?
What is his last name? What is his mom’s name? Where does he live? What does he do for a living? What are 3 of his hobbies? What is his favorite food? If you cannot answer any of these questions and you want a solid relationship or his respect, keep the legs closed. No man is going to buy the cow if he can get the milk for free. If you give it up too soon, chances are, he’s not going to have any reason to stay. For most men, sex is the endgame, if you don’t have anything to keep him coming back for other than sex then he won’t be around for long, or at least not for anything substantial. I’m not saying that guys are only in it for the sex but if he “gets some” in the first 2 weeks, he’ll walk away a winner and he’ll look for a girl that is relationship quality. At the end of the day, all guys want to wife the girl that’s worth the wait. It’s that simple.
5. Why are you always assuming the worst?
Stop thinking that some how a guy will hurt you. Stop thinking the worst may happen. The universe may hear you. Many ladies behave as if guys are just these usurious ne’er-do-wells that are going to sex them up and leave them dry with a pile of unwanted emotions. If you speak it and expect it, that’s all you’re going to find and you’ll sing the world bitter songs of, “I Told You So’s” & “I Knew It’s.” Who REALLY wins in that situation? Its definitely not you. Once again, you are the loser that went looking for problems and found them. Congrats. It can’t be good for the body and mind to think that way about anything yet alone a relationship. You should stop it before you’re the 5th chairperson of the Spinster’s Union for your county. If you take the time to get to know the guy, you’ll know if you’re able to trust him or not. If you feel that you can’t trust the guy, don’t waste time trying to make it work. Keep it moving. Don’t set yourself up for failure. Also, since you’re wasting time assuming, why not assume he’s a good guy? At least use some positive energy since you’re setting yourself up for something. The universe might hear you.
6. Why are you listening to that girl and her advice?
Every girl has a friend that has never had a successful relationship with a pair of shoes yet alone another human being. Why are you listening to her? How do you possibly think her dating experiences (or lack thereof) is possibly going to benefit you? If you’re going to listen to your friends when they give you advice, just listen. Don’t live with that and only that. Live your own experiences and absorb those lessons. Many ladies take their friend’s experiences and act on advice that most times is not in their best interest. That’s not how it works. Your friend may be a BS person with BS relationships. You don’t want to take directions from a blind man and you don’t take dancing lessons from a paraplegic. That’s how end up like the “Killer Kung-Fu Wolf Bitch” from The Boondocks. (Google it)
7. You know what you want. Is that what you need?
This ties back into question #1. Many of you ladies know what you want in a man but do you really know what you need? You need to look deep down inside of yourself and figure out how a person can be the icing on your cake instead of the batter. Life is a puzzle. As we get older and gain more life experiences, we find more pieces to add to our puzzle. If you big picture is a boat and you’re missing piece is your anchor, you can’t go looking for a guy whose big picture is a mountain. You guys wont fit. All you’re doing is prolonging your search and complicating the possible completion of your puzzle. What do you need out of a guy? Is it patience? Is it a sense of security? Know what you’re looking for. Know what you need. If you find whom it is that you need, you’ll be surprised to find that’s the person you also want.
There are many questions that you should ask yourself before getting into a relationship but these 7 are enough to build a solid foundation of. If you enter any relationship with these questions as the rock you build it upon, longevity will be your only outcome. You must realize that the same hand that crafted you is the same hand that crafted your soul mate.
-The Mayor
Have a relationship question? feel free to contact me atTheMayorOfMar@Gmail.Com.
Party In Your Temple
Me: Ladies, your body is your temple. You don’t just let anyone in your house.
Anonymous: So if ladies have temples, them men have highways? Its okay for any passerby to hop on? #sexism #feminism #doublestandard
I dont know why but when I saw this response over twitter, the classic lines of the legendary James Brown popped into my head:
“This is a mans world. This is a mans world. But its wouldn’t be nothing… Nothing without a woman or a girl”
My quote was not by any means meant to be Sexist or meant to be any kind of double standard. I’m not saying that it’s ok for guys to have sex with whomever they please. Even if that was what I meant, as a lady, you shouldn’t want just any guy in your temple. I’m not knocking sex. I personally say fuck. Fuck until there is nothing left but a little flag that says “POW!” on it.
As said in my first post, I’m giving the world first hand thoughts that go on in the mind of a good man. With that said, I can assure you that no good man is going to want a girl that allows just anyone in her temple. A temple is supposed to be a sacred place that you respect. You can let any man in your temple if you please but if you’re trying to snag a good man, which temple do you think he’ll be interested in eventually visiting? The one will the marble floors and obvious daily upkeep? Or the one with the graffiti on the side, uncouth hedges, tipped over pews and constant visitors from the neighborhood riffraff? Think about it.
I can give men a list of do’s and don’ts on how to treat their dicks but this blog and twitter is meant to help good women that are seeking good men bait and hook good men. No man will buy the milk if he can get the milk for free.
-The Mayor
Have a relationship question? feel free to contact me at TheMayorOfMar@Gmail.Com.
Welcome To Mars
Firstly I’d like to thank everyone for taking the time to visit the blog. I am the Mayor Of Mars. I am here go give everyone [especially women] insight on what goes on in the mind of a good man.
I know many ladies have a hard time finding a good guy. I’m here to help you out. This blog isn’t here to bash, tear down, or destroy anyone verbally. I’m merely here to deliver the harsh reality of what’s going on and what you can do to turn the tides in your direction. If you think you’re perfect, then feel free to go on about your day. If you honestly feel that you have difficulties and may need some help and advice, I’ll be more than happy to offer my services.
I’m always open for questions from anyone. If you do have any questions, you can contact me at TheMayorOfMar@Gmail.Com.
With all that said, welcome to Mars
-The Mayor
